


Constellations of Freckles

by Milla_GSD



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angst, Crowley Was Raphael Before He Fell (Good Omens), M/M, Stars, crowley was raphael, past and present fic, post armageddon, pre-fall Crowley, so much angst in so little time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-12
Updated: 2019-08-12
Packaged: 2020-08-19 18:47:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,091
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20214523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milla_GSD/pseuds/Milla_GSD
Summary: Crowley's skin is dotted in freckles, and one day Aziraphale finally brings himself to ask about them. Crowley only breaks, unable to talk about what they really mean to him.





	Constellations of Freckles

[Inspired by this piece of Art](https://glorfy-the-bright-haired-ellon.tumblr.com/post/186802557161/lol-what-if-crowley-had-freckles-that-were-stars)

Raphael’s feathers flutter as he soars through a universe that still has no concept of wind or even air. His smile spreads across his face, eyes light and bright as he searches out a new spot to fulfill Her will, wanting so badly to show Her all of his talents. Looking at all the blank space before him, at all of the potential, Raphael soars even higher until he’s found the perfect place.

Size doesn’t matter, not really, not when he has the power to make the spot he has chosen even bigger, but Raphael feels like it needs to be large space to even begin to visualize what he has planned. Reaching out with his arms, he closes his eyes, picturing every single star, large and small, that he can’t wait to bring forth into this area. She will be so happy, he’s sure of it, so proud of what he will have created for Her.

Raphael can feel the glow from within spreading up his arms, can feel his power surging as he channels his love for Her. In the dark void he is floating in he knows that he glows, shinning brightly and it’s all for Her. Once Raphael is certain everything is just how he wants it to be in his mind, his eyes fly open, the glow within him flying out of them, bringing forth his vision.

In front of him, a multitude of stars appear, shaping and swirling into the constellations he wills them to take. Where his arms are stretched out in front of him, stars flow from them, racing past his finger tips and growing as they reach their places in his creation. Raphael’s smile grows more and more as his creation takes shape and he can’t measure the love he pours into it, love for Her.

The light slowly dies down within him, dimming back down to the dull glow he always feels inside himself, and Raphael watches longingly as the last few stars take their places within his creation. With a smile on his face that makes his entire being light up, Raphael watches over it all as it starts to find a life of it's own. After admiring it from afar for an immeasurable amount of time, he spreads his wings again and soars towards the glowing spheres. He flies past every star, double checking every single one of them to make sure they are all exactly where he wants them to be.

As he does, he can feel Her within him, adding to the glow he knows is always there, will always be there. He adjusts a star here, knocks a planet a little further over there, and only once he is absolutely positive it is all exactly as he wants it, does he fly away far enough to look at it all at once again. Raphael never wants this job to end, wants to always be able to do this for Her for as long as he is able to. The joy of being able to create flows in him and he is nothing but grateful for the opportunity She has given him.

A satisfied smile crosses his face and Raphael nods before moving on to the next area, empty of everything and anything still. There are no days, no nights, and Raphael never grows tired. The stars pour from him, light racing along his arms and spilling from his eyes every time he finds a new spot that needs to know of Her gift. His wings hold him aloft, dark and glossy, but glowing with his light, always keeping him perfectly balanced, and Raphael knows no different for a very long time.

It isn’t until he is told, one day because there are now days, that he needs to share his love. He is told he can no longer love only Her, that it also has to belong to the small beings She is planning on creating and Raphael is confused. These beings do not know of Her love, of Her gifts, will not know of all the joy She brings. Why should he have to share? What have they done for him to deserve his love? He doesn’t mind, not really, but he still wants to know why, even as he plans on listening to Her will, because that was what he was created for. Questions cross his mind, small harmless questions that shouldn’t mean much to anyone, but they end up being his undoing.

One moment, Her light is within him, the stars dotting the skin that covers his arms, shoulders, even his face, and the next, he is Falling. Wind rushes past him, fear gripping his heart for the first time in his existence as he is tossed aside. He looks up as he Falls, towards where he can still feel Her warmth, Her light even as it fades from him and he stretches his arms out to Her, so desperate to reach Her.

Light starts pouring from him as he reaches, stripped away from him as he Falls. Raphael’s eyes burn, his skin on fire as he continues to Fall. He tries so hard to keep the light inside of him, but it flows from him, burning away at him as it does. His skin crawls with the feeling of losing everything, and Raphael can’t breathe. His wings burn behind him, unable to slow him down or stop his decent, but Raphael barely even notices. All he can feel, all he can sense right now, is the light leaving him behind, leaving him empty and hollow on the inside.

When he finally stops Falling, when he finally reaches whatever bottom there is, Raphael curls in on himself. The light is all gone, the warmth has left him, and all that’s left is darkness that he can’t stop from encasing him completely. It’s all he has left as he shudders on the rock that’s beneath him, unable to even curl his wings around himself.

Millennia later, an arm reaches out for a pair of chrome glasses that are resting on a desk. The lenses are tinted dark, made to block out the light from sensitive eyes. Crowley flicks them on, golden eyes blinking slowly as he adjusts. He heads out the door, heading to Aziraphale’s bookshop in record time as always, needing to be near his angel today. Before getting out of the Bentley, Crowley’s eyes flick towards the rear view mirror, just for a moment, and Crowley has to look away again before he’s sucked in. Why mirrors were ever invented, he will never know, and he will always curse their existence.

“Crowley!” Aziraphale calls to him as soon as he enters the dusty store that isn't really dusty. Taking a deep breath, Crowley prepares himself for whatever has the angel so excited today, not really sure if he’s in the proper mood for it, not after the dreams he had the previous night. “I just have to show you this new book I found recently, come here!”

In spite of himself, Crowley feels a small smile curl his lips, his angel’s happiness always contagious. It’s been just the two of them for a few years now with no sides coming between them and Crowley can’t imagine it any other way. “Where did this one wash up at?” he asks as he saunters over.

His angel’s light is infectious and even though it burns his eyes on the days it shines so brightly, Crowley only feels himself drawn to it, needing to feel it's warmth. Hovering close, Crowley looks over Aziraphale’s shoulder as the angel animatedly explains the new volume that sits in front of them both. Crowley reaches an arm out, using it to help him lean against the desk as Aziraphale talks. He doesn’t miss the slight stutter in Aziraphale’s words, but he does nothing to draw attention to it either.

“Crowley?” Aziraphale’s voice cuts through the demon’s thoughts and he realizes with a flash that he’s zoned out. He can't recall anything the angel has just told him and he sighs softly.

“I’m still here, angel,” Crowley mumbles, pressing closer to the angel. “Just having....a day,” Crowley says softly as a way of explanation. He knows Aziraphale will leave it at that, knows he has the trust of the other, and can’t help but sigh again when Aziraphale only blinks sadly at him before going back to talking about the book.

Crowley’s eyes trail down, falling on his own hand that is still pressed against the desk. Before he can pull them away, they start to trace the brown freckles that dot the back of his hand and over his wrist. It doesn’t take much for him to imagine the trail they take over his skin, marking a path up his arm, scattering over his shoulders. A shiver courses through his body at the thought and he pulls away from Aziraphale as soon as it happens, knowing the angel has noticed.

“Crowley?”Aziraphale asks again and Crowley feels a hand reaching out towards him, landing on the hand that is already pulling away from the desk. “You know you can talk to me, yes?”

Crowley turns his eyes away, unable to take in all of the light that is shinning in his direction. It’s too much today, too bright for his weary heart to handle. His thoughts pull him down, keeping him in darkness even as the angel next to him tries so desperately to brighten him. A thumb trails over his wrist and Crowley knows it’s tracing the smattering of freckles.

“You know, Crowley,” Aziraphale starts, and the demon has to take a deep breath as a wave of love washes over him. “You have the most wonderful freckles, dear. They almost look like sta-”

“Don’t,” Crowley chokes out, voice breaking. “Shut up.”

Aziraphale pulls away, hand leaving his own, and Crowley feels the guilt set in. “I’m sorry, dear. I didn’t mean to...”

“I know,” Crowley chokes out, grateful for his sunglasses that hide his tears. “Just, please...” He’s doing everything he can to force the harshness out of his voice, not really meaning to yell at his angel, but this is one topic he has always hoped to avoid.

It’s not as though he hasn’t noticed Aziraphale eyeing his freckles over the many years. They’ve dotted his skin since their very first meeting. He’s just always silently hoped the angel would never say anything about them, would never bring them up. They made it so very long without it ever becoming a topic, and today, Crowley truly just doesn’t have the energy for it.

“I’m so sorry,” Aziraphale whispers, and Crowley can feel that it isn’t about his earlier words. He knows it’s for something that happened long ago, back when he was still filled with light and warmth, back when the stars came pouring out of him.

“It was a long time ago, angel,” Crowley whispers back. He feels himself moving a step away, taking his darkness that much further away from the light behind him. It’s all too much for him, the memory of the stars being stripped from him almost breaking him where he stands. The dots will never go away, will never leave his skin, his reminder of who he used to be.

He knows there will be a day when Aziraphale’s eyes trail over them again, but for now, Crowley wants so badly to hide them away from the world. To pretend his freckles are nothing.

No matter what though, Crowley knows they will always serve as a reminder of the stars that once flowed from him, of the nebulae and galaxies he created all in Her name. Stars that still hang over his head to this day, and Crowley silently weeps for himself, still surrounded by the smell of old books and light and love.

“I miss them so much, Aziraphale,” Crowley finally whispers into shop, his back still to the angel behind him. As he takes a deep shuddering breath, he feels an arm wrap around him from behind, pulling him ever so slightly closer to the light. Closing his eyes tight, he lets the tears fall silently as memories from another lifetime swirl around in his head. He will always be able to look at himself at remember what he used to have, but never again will Crowley be able to hang the stars in the sky and dance among their light.


End file.
